Soul Food
Soul Food
Broken Beyond Repair (Part 5)
Hope can emerge from the depths of despair, and Sarah and Amanda’s journey from brokenness illustrates this truth. Together, they recount their past struggles with betrayal, addiction, and the transformative power of faith that led them to rebuild their lives and relationships.
• Sarah describes her experiences of betrayal in marriage
• Amanda reflects on her childhood and the impact of her mother's choices
• The cycle of pain leads both women into addiction and emotional turmoil
• Amanda witnesses her mother's transformation, leading to a deeper bond
The episode emphasizes the possibility of redemption and hope through faith in Jesus.
Are you ready to fill your soul with the sustenance it needs? Look no further. Bishop Joshua Fonseca's Soul Food Podcast. You can listen anytime to these engaging messages of faith, from testimonies and real-life stories to musical entertainment. It's here to satisfy your spiritual hunger. Tune in today for a journey of hope, strength and truth, and be uplifted with each episode. Wherever you are, don't let your soul go hungry. It's time for some soul food. Today, on Broken Beyond Repair, get to know how not one, but two happy marriages ended in betrayal for Sarah.
Speaker 2:My very first marriage. At the beginning everything was wonderful, was great. It was a happy marriage. My husband decided to leave me. I met someone else, had a good relationship. We have a wonderful marriage. I had two more children with that second marriage, Unfortunately, that husband of mine decided to be with someone else.
Speaker 1:Left with four children to care for, she saw no way out and was forced to enter into a life of drugs and prostitution to provide for her kids.
Speaker 2:Crack was one of the drugs that really made me at the time, make me feel good. So that leads me to prostitution. Because I didn't have a job, I didn't have any money. I have to provide my, my children, with food and and everything that they need.
Speaker 1:Not realizing the impact this lifestyle would have on her children. Sarah's daughter, amanda, is also here to share her experience of growing up with a mother involved in prostitution.
Speaker 3:I was depressed, I was very sad, I was very angry. I've always felt like the black sheep of my family.
Speaker 1:Depression, sadness and anger were just the tip of the iceberg for the life Amanda experienced.
Speaker 3:Hurting myself actually helped me deal with the situation, because I thought that was the only way to really deal with everything that was going on inside of me.
Speaker 2:My lowest point was when I was so drunk, and so high point was when I was so drunk and so high. I remember driving home and I just remember waking up the next day my car was destroyed, even though I had no wheels on my car. So I'm not sure, like I said, up to this day in my life, I'm not sure how I got home.
Speaker 3:The relationship with my parents. It was bad. I would talk back all the time. I even hit my mom one time because I was angry. I would punch holes into walls. I did try drugs. I did drink did go partying.
Speaker 2:I said I'm alive today and I don't even know why.
Speaker 1:Don't change the channel and see how their stories unfold from a life of divorce, broken family and drugs into a loving, united family. Continue to listen to Soul Food. We have a story coming up next to share with you.
Speaker 4:We thank you, lord. We thank you Lord. We thank you Lord. Oh, thank you, jesus. In the crushing, in the pressing, you were making new wine In the soil. I now surrender. You were breaking New ground, so I enter you Into your careful hand. When I trust you, I don't need to understand. So make me a vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever you want me to be. I came here with nothing, but all you have given me, jesus, bring new wine out of here. In the crushing, in the pressing, you are making new wine In the soil. I now surrender. You were breaking new ground, so I yield myself to your care for me. When I trust you, I don't need to understand. So make me a vessel, make me an offering, make me whatever you want me to be. I came here with nothing, but all you have given me, jesus, bring me what I want me. So me, me, me me. You want me, I. Oh, give me me All you have given me. Jesus, be mine. I will be Jesus' free, jesus' free.
Speaker 1:I will be broken beyond repair.
Speaker 6:the untold stories of those who were once broken if you think that there is no more solution, there is no more way out for you, you think that you are broken beyond repair. Actually, this is what people always, when they judge, when they criticize, they say to others. These bad remarks breaks a person even more.
Speaker 7:That's right. You know, nobody needs to hear that. What people need is a word of faith, a word of encouragement. The whole world is negative. A word of faith, a word of encouragement. The whole world is negative. The whole world is criticizing other people and assuming that a person can't recover from certain mistakes.
Speaker 6:And these words you know, the word gives life or kills somebody. Right, the Bible says that the word is either kill or gives life. That's why we have to be careful what we say and how we say it. Well, a person is already broken, a person is already down and then here from the spouse, from the parents, from their own children, say you are worth nothing, you are good for nothing. These words kill faster than the problem itself. That's right.
Speaker 7:It's like a curse. It's something that will come true, especially when a parent, when a friend, says this about someone that it's very hard for a person to forget those words, I'm sorry.
Speaker 6:Imagine if somebody goes to the doctor person sick and the doctor say you are going to die.
Speaker 7:yeah, so, uh, most people will die right, most people will not have the power to fight against those words, because it's coming from a doctor and he knows that's right.
Speaker 6:right, you are not broken beyond repair. They were broken and God did restore their lives, amanda. Sarah, thank you very much for joining us, for coming to the show. Let us do something different. Usually, I ask people how their lives were before. Right, you are not going to say it. You are going to speak about each other. You are not bad mouthing, amanda. Let me begin with you. Who was Sarah before? Open the book and read her past life.
Speaker 3:Okay. So, sarah, in the past life she liked to argue a lot. I remember going to McDonald's or going to like, or even where we used to live. She used to fight with everybody, everybody, everywhere that we went. She always used to yell. She always liked to like. For some reason. It seemed like she enjoyed to like to see me sad. So the things that she would say to me, um, were horrible as well. She used to leave me and my siblings at home alone all the time while she went and did whatever it is that she was doing, um, so she wasn't a very pleasant person so you were born and you grew up seeing your mother all over the place Doing what?
Speaker 3:So she used to party a lot, she used to drink a lot. She was always with a different man as well. She would go to different clubs and like different places and just find like different men. So I would meet somebody new like almost every month. So did?
Speaker 6:she used to bring these partners to the house? Yes, sir, so always you saw different men coming to the house. Yes, sir, if you can remember how old were you?
Speaker 3:So I was. It had to be maybe like 11, 12, around around those ages, um, and but growing up, that's, I saw a lot of that, a lot. How many siblings are you? Um, so I'm the oldest um, I have, um, oh, man, you forgot the numbers.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I'm sorry, I have four other siblings four, sir so, and you said that she was to leave the children. So then you became the mother, yes, in charge.
Speaker 3:Yes, sir, yes, I would have to wake them up for school. I would have to make sure that they got off the bus and make sure they ate, make sure they were taken care of, because she was honestly nowhere to be found.
Speaker 6:Nowhere to be found nowhere to be found, so sarah did not care no, no, she didn't at the time. No so you grew up without a mother? Yes, sir, so this is a life broken for many beyond repair. But these are the people that we are. We are here to help. We never come here before the cameras and say you are, well, you are a Christian, leave your church or come to my church. No, we are talking to those, even though they believe in God, but they are broken. That's right.
Speaker 7:We're always looking for people who are suffering, people who are, you know their problems are destroying their lives. Because we know the power of God, Anyone can walk into a universal church and we're not intimidated because we know that God is bigger than their problem. That's right.
Speaker 6:No matter what their problem is. That's right, and we always say, hey, you come as you are. So now, sarah, let us talk about Amanda. She spoke about you. Now it's your turn, that's my turn. Tell how her life was. The troublemaker, amanda.
Speaker 2:So Amanda very well. It was so bad to the point that she actually hit me. She used to hit me. She was very disrespectful. She used to go to clubs a lot as well. She did have different partners as well that I was able to meet, but Amanda was really very disrespectful to the point that once again she did hit me. She used to hit her brothers and her siblings as well, and one of the ways she used to get back to me was doing cutting herself, doing things to her body to be able to get to me, to get back to me of the things that I was doing to them, leaving her with her siblings, not caring for my children. So that created anger in her life at an early age, to the point that she was doing to herself to hurt herself, to get to me.
Speaker 7:So, sarah, when you saw the cuts on her arms mainly on her arms how did that make you feel?
Speaker 2:It did make me feel very bad at the moment, but because I was so caught up with my own life, with my own disappointments, with my own failures in my life that at the moment for me it was okay. And when I say it was okay, not because it was fine for her to hurt herself, but that's the life we we live. For me that was normal. Hurting yourself, feeling depressed, feeling it was normal, that was a normal everyday life.
Speaker 6:Okay, now we already know their past life and I want to know more from you, Sarah. You failed as a mother, you failed in your love life, but how did your suffering begin?
Speaker 2:So my suffering began when I got divorced for the first time. So this is my. I've been married. This will be my third marriage now, so the first time that I was divorced because of my husband. He left me to be with someone else.
Speaker 2:So everything began from that point going forward in my life. At the moment I felt that I was the worst person in this world. I was not. I was putting my own self down by doing different things, like going out, meeting different people to kind of prove that I was worth it. I was someone that I was worth it, but I was doing it in the wrong way and it um with I wanted to give attention, um, to men, so they know that I'm worth it. But in there I was given that attention in the wrong way. Um, second marriage happened, got divorced once again. Um that things began to be even worse then, to the point that I was arrested a couple of times because my anger became so strong that I was pretty much I hate the world, I hate people, I hate men. At that point that I just did things to make me feel better, like using drugs.
Speaker 6:Well, you are saying you hated everybody, you hated men. Amanda said that always you used to bring a different partner to the house, but now you are saying that you hated men.
Speaker 2:And that is correct. That's the reason I was doing it Meeting different people, meeting different men, so I'm able to give back to them for what my husband did to me.
Speaker 6:So you want others to suffer, to cause them to suffer, because you were disappointed, you were in suffering. You want others to feel the same pain.
Speaker 2:That is correct, especially when it came to a man.
Speaker 6:What was the lowest, lowest, lowest point in your life? It's like Bishop David Dwayne we break a glass, a vessel that you say there is no more way to mend back the pieces, to repair it. This is the lowest point it's ruined.
Speaker 7:It's ruined. No way to repair that.
Speaker 6:Imagine you take pieces and you go to a place and say, can you repair? They're going to say, no, you're crazy. Right, right, right. It's pieces we cannot put back together. Like when you burn a document trashes, there is no more way to copy it.
Speaker 7:Yeah, you can't fix it any longer, you can't restore it. Yeah.
Speaker 6:And when did you find yourself in this situation?
Speaker 2:So, because the suffering was so huge in my life, um, once again, at that moment, I feel that this is, this is how the world should be, this is what I lived in, this is the way my life is going to be. So, um, so what I did is I once again went out, get it, try to find attention drink, to the point that I do not remember what happened. Um, the only thing I remember is coming home. Amanda was home. I remember, like today, that I came home and said amanda, I'm not sure what happened, but something happened. So I woke up the next morning, my car was destroyed, completely destroyed, and at that moment I said well, I'm still alive, so there's another way. There needs, this needs to be a change. But that was my lowest, lowest life. I went out with a guy, drank too much, to the point that I do not remember what happened. The next day I came home, car was destroyed, no wheels on my car.
Speaker 6:Amanda, you did not want to be as a kid, you did not want to be like your mother.
Speaker 3:No, not at all. I always used to say that when people would tell me that I'm just like her, I would tell them I'm absolutely not like my mother. I don't act in the way that she does, I don't speak the way that she does. And I used to get very mad when people would say that to me, because I didn't think I was like her. You did not want to be like her.
Speaker 6:Not at all. So usually the kids that have bad examples from their parents. They have this sexual orientation problem, they use drugs, they are partying a. They have this sexual orientation problem. They use drugs, they are partying a lot. They have a response. They don't work. The kids always say when I grow up I'm going to be a different person. But when they do, when they grow up, they become exactly the same or even worse.
Speaker 7:Yeah, it's like a big paradox. It's like the devil makes their nightmare come true. Yes, they become the person that they hate. They start doing the same things that they disliked about their parents.
Speaker 6:That was your saying, your promise I'm not going to be like her. Yes, sir, but growing up, what happened to you? Who did you become?
Speaker 3:I became exactly like the one person I did not want to become. I? Um same thing found. I looked for attention in other men, um, I was into the drugs, I was into the drinking, the partying, um, and I have a a. I have a daughter as well and I did exactly what my mom did. I would leave her with, like my mom or whoever so I can go.
Speaker 6:What you hated the most was that your mother left you, your four siblings, uh, alone. Now you had a daughter and you are doing the same thing absolutely I would leave her.
Speaker 3:I remember there was a time too, I was at a house and there was a lot of drugs and a lot of drinking and I remember I left my daughter there so I can go and get ready, so I can come back and party, and I remember doing things like that and I'm just like I didn't even know what to think. I didn't know what else to do. I was just like what to think? I didn't know what else to do.
Speaker 6:I was just like Well, Sarah, you saw your daughter going through the same things, taking the same path. Did you feel guilty?
Speaker 2:I did not feel guilty because that was life. That was all I knew. So what she was doing was normal, because I was doing it as well.
Speaker 6:You thought it was normal. Exactly you who say I feel I am broken beyond repair. My family, my love life, I'm broken Just like pieces left over and nobody can repair. Doctors cannot repair you. Physicians cannot repair you repair. Doctors cannot repair you. Physicians cannot repair you. Nobody, not even therapists, cannot help you.
Speaker 6:But Jesus can take the pieces of your life, he can take every piece of your life, and he can not just repair, he can make you new. He said I make everything new. So I challenge you, who are watching us in any platform right now, I challenge you to take this broken life and bring it to us. If nothing happened, you can leave, you can do whatever you find the best, but take the shot. Take this challenge, but take the shot. Take this challenge. 1-888-332-4141. You can send us a text. This is the text you are going to send 1-888-312-4141. This number is not for call, but only for text. Do you accept the challenge? Contact us right now. I have these counselors on the helpline. They are ready, available to take your call, because they were also broken beyond repair.
Speaker 1:A generational curse is a continuous cycle that began with your ancestors and now has fallen upon you, a series of reoccurring situations that became a stumbling block impeding you from moving ahead. All the women in your family died from breast cancer, and now your test results shows that you could be the next. Your job only lasts a few months, leading you to be unemployed, just like all the men before you. You thought he was the man of your dreams, but you became one more woman abused in your blood lineage, and every couple of months, a loved one only seems to die. Many people may see it as one more obstacle to overcome in their day-to-day life, but in reality, this is a generational curse. Do you feel broken and helpless? Join now the Broken Beyond Repair Challenge and begin to see great changes in your life. Call now at 1-888-332-4141 or text the word CHALLENGE to 1-888-312-4141.
Speaker 6:Amanda, tell us you didn't want to be like your mother, but you became like her. What did you use to do?
Speaker 3:So I did the same exact thing. I did the drinking, the smoking, looking for attention in men, and also left my daughter with other people, just like my mom used to do to me. Which kind of drugs you're using? I used to use marijuana, I used to take molly as well, and any prescription drugs like xanax and things like that to just make me feel good. That was the purpose.
Speaker 6:So she became just like her mom so you also had an anger problem.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, I was always very angry. That's what led me to hit my mother. And then I also used to break things in the house. I used to punch holes into walls. I remember there was a point too, even when I was very young at any time, like I would get very upset at my mother or whoever upset me If there was like a lot of stuff on the table. I would get very upset, my mother or whoever upset me. If there was like a lot of stuff on the table. I would like take everything, just throw it all on the floor and just start screaming and yelling because I was so angry. Um, but yeah, very, very angry, and I used to fight with people a lot. I used to like to look for for fights as well that is good.
Speaker 6:Look for fights. Yes, okay, who? Okay, who came in to this ministry first?
Speaker 2:I did so. I was charged with multiple charges because of the things that I did. So I remember just walking down the street thinking about what's going to happen the next day because I was going to go to court. I my lawyer even talked to me about deportation. I was going to be deported. So all those things were going through my mind. I was walking down the street just thinking about what's going to happen tomorrow in court.
Speaker 2:There was a lady that came to me and she saw my face. She saw me crying and she said are you okay? I said yes, I'm okay, thank you. So I continue walking. But that person saw something that lead her to come back and continue talking to me. I really didn't want to talk to her. I didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment because I was worried about what was going to happen tomorrow. So this member, she, she asked me so are you sure you're okay? I say yes, I am Okay. Why are you continue chasing me? Why do you want to speak with me? So she didn't say well, I want to let you know. She didn't say well, I want to let you know. Just by looking at your eyes there's something wrong, but I do want to let you know that, whatever you're going through, there is a solution to your problem. And I say well, there's no solution to my problem, so actually, she was challenging you exactly.
Speaker 6:It was a challenge. It's. It's what this episode, broken beyond repair, is all about about the challenge. Did you accept the challenge?
Speaker 2:at the beginning I didn't want to accept the challenge, but then she did talk to me. Um, she did actually put some sense. I will have to say. She put some sense in my, in my, in my head, and said you, if, if you go tomorrow to church, they're going to do a prayer for you. If you do not see any changes in your life, please do not ever come back. And you can call me a liar. That was exactly how it was. You can call me a liar.
Speaker 7:That was a challenge that was so that made sense to you and you accepted that. I did accept it All right, okay, I'll try, I tried, yep.
Speaker 6:Yep In this ministry. Sarah, what did you do and what has God done for you?
Speaker 2:So in the ministry, when I first came to the church, because of this challenge, I wanted to see a change in my life and I didn't want to wait a day or a couple of hours, I wanted to see a change instantly. They were doing a prayer, they pray on me. Right away I noticed and I felt a change in my life, within me, inside of me, life within me, inside of me, and because of that I wanted to continue. I wanted to continue to feel that way. So I started doing chain of prayers and through all my transition, things were changing with inside of me and in my life and in my surroundings, and because of that I was able to bring my family. So today I can say that I'm liberated, I'm free and there's a peace that is in me that I wish I would have found it when I was doing what I did. But praise God, you followed it on time. I sure did. Yes, I did yes.
Speaker 6:I did.
Speaker 2:Yes, I did.
Speaker 6:Amanda, did you see the changes in your mother as she was going to church? What was the first change you saw in?
Speaker 3:her life. So growing up, we went to many different churches and my mom was always there faithfully on Sundays. But when she started going to the universal Church, I've noticed there was a difference in the way that she carried herself, like she wasn't because she was always so angry. She always had like this face of like anger and she didn't want like anybody to really be around her. But I've no like I honestly noticed the the change inside of her and the way that she spoke to me and my siblings and she was nicer and it was weird at first. I'm like who, I'm like is this really? Is this really my mom? And that's actually what made me think, okay, all right, let me try this place out.
Speaker 6:Let me see, Because the other time she promised I will change. I will never do that, Absolutely.
Speaker 3:This time, there were no promises, but action. Exactly that was the difference. I actually saw the fruits.
Speaker 6:It wasn't just her saying things, it was actually. I saw results. At the beginning you told us the problems that, how problematic she was before. Now tell us who is your mother who? Who is Sarah nowadays?
Speaker 3:Sarah is a woman, a very virtuous woman, a woman that builds her home, a woman that loves her family, that is always fighting to do her best. We are never perfect, but she's always fighting to do her best every single day. She doesn't get into fights with people wherever we go, and she's a lot more loving, she's a lot more caring and she thinks about what it is that she's doing before she does it. She knows that she doesn't want to go backwards and be that same person. So I see her fight every single day to always be her best and to always do her best.
Speaker 6:Right, sarah, who is Amanda today?
Speaker 2:Amanda today is a different person, but not only that. She's actually my best friend, I can go to her, I can talk to her about anything. Me and her are so close, so close together, that people think that we are sisters not even mom and in you know and daughter. But Amanda is a different person, very, very humble person, very humble, which is one of the qualities that I do love about her. And today we are. We are different, we are, we are she's, she's my, she's my friend, she's my best friend.
Speaker 3:no, it's true, because, um, in friendships there's always like uh, we, me and my mom, we balance each other out. It's funny to say it that way, but it's like a, it's a real um, it's a real friendship, because what? Um? She shows me things that I need to see and I show her the same thing, and that's how this relationship works, and it's pretty amazing. Only the Holy Spirit should do it Truly. Absolutely.
Speaker 6:Truly, only the Holy Spirit. You receive the Holy Spirit. Yes, sir, yes, we do.
Speaker 1:Broken Beyond.
Speaker 5:Repair broken beyond repair the untold stories of those who were once broken. Food for the soul a bible-based podcast for all people to feed spiritual hunger, streaming on all major podcast platforms.
Speaker 6:My piece of advice always comes from the Word of God, the Bible, and this Word never, ever fails.
Speaker 5:Stream weekly on the Soul Food Podcast with Bishop Joshua, where you will hear live guests share their transformation stories. Stay connected with us for more soul food. Ask questions, leave your comments on each episode and leave a voice message. We will gladly answer here on the podcast, because this soul food is for you.